Lovely isn't it? I realize I am not the only woman to have experienced this. But it has happened. And like I said in my previous post, a miscarriage just never occurred to me. I've over analyzed everything from the moment we decided to start a family to the endometriosis diagnosis to the first visit to our fertility clinic to the last call I got from the nurse and everything in between. I have replayed each cycle we ever did, medicated, all our IUI's and our 1 and only IVF. I think about the way 2012 began, its perfect timing of everything and my word of the year.
Could I have done anything different? Should I have done anything different? Would it have even made a difference?
Probably not. Because of the way the universe works, I'm confident the outcome would've been the same. I get that. And that's what I need to keep reminding myself. There's a whole new world waiting for me, for us.
I will heal, I'm sure I will. It is this thought that breaks me the most though...
It is MY body that is not in baby making or keeping form, but my heart hurts most for the man I love, the man I am crazy about, who's body IS in baby making form.
Do you understand what I am saying?
Live with that.